Massachusetts Divorce | Fields and Dennis LLP

Is Your Marriage Healthy?

I didn’t realize how unhealthy my marriage was. I’d suffered a slow-drip of erosion to my self-esteem for so many years that I couldn’t see how abusive the relationship had become. On top of it, I was too humiliated to confide in anyone, even my family and closest friends, so I had no one to hold up a mirror to show me what my marriage really looked like.

So here I am, holding up a mirror for you. I’ve made a chart of characteristics of an abusive marriage versus a healthy marriage. How am I an expert? Well, aside from being a certified divorce coach, I personally have experienced one of each. If your marriage is healthy (like my second one is, thank GOD!!!), then PLEASE share this with a friend who you think may be in a toxic situation, even if she can’t see it herself. I know you don’t want to insult anyone, but you’ll be doing her a huge favor — maybe even saving her life. I will never forget the friend who saved mine by holding up a similar mirror for me.

Put a Ring on It? Millennial Couples Are in No Hurry

Young adults not only marry and have children later than previous generations, they take more time to get to know each other before tying the knot.

The millennial generation’s breezy approach to sexual intimacy helped give rise to apps like Tinder and made phrases like “hooking up” and “friends with benefits” part of the lexicon.

But when it comes to serious lifelong relationships, new research suggests, millennials proceed with caution.

Five myths about marriage

This piece from John Gottman, co-founder, along with Julie Gottman, of the Gottman Institute is worth reading. Gottman has conducted 40 years of research on marital stability and divorce prediction.

Read article here.

Marriage advice from a top relationship expert

Marriage will inevitably be tear-your-hair-out hard at some points. Psychologist and relationship expert Eli Finkel says there are three ways to strengthen a rocky marriage — and each one requires a different level of time and effort.

Your Best Advice for a Happy Marriage (CC: Meghan and Harry)

It’s almost royal wedding time, and while our colleagues are learning about hat etiquette or jetting off to Britain to crash the festivities, we thought we’d take this opportunity to harness the wisdom of the crowd and ask you, our readers, to share your best marriage advice with us (and Harry and Meghan).

Out of the hundreds of responses, here are some of our favorites, lightly edited for length and clarity.

Say what you need

“If you need something, you must express it. Years ago, recently married, I was discouraged that my husband never offered to help out. A motherly neighbor noticed my funk. I explained, ‘He should know!’

‘They don’t know,’ she said. ‘You’ve got to tell them.’”

— Maura McCaw, Watertown, Mass.

20 Signs the Spark in Your Relationship has Gone – and How to Reignite the Flame

Forget the seven-year itch – the spark actually begins to fade exactly five years and two months into a relationship, a study has found.

Research revealed modern relationships are souring earlier than they used to because life is getting in the way and couples are more likely to take each other for granted sooner than they once did.

The study, which was carried out among 2,000 adults, found a dwindling sex life, sleeping in different rooms and no longer holding hands are among the common signs the magic has gone.

Married Millennials Keep Separate Bank Accounts

Interesting piece about a Millennial habit that the attorneys at Fields and Dennis LLP see quite a bit of in their divorce practices.

Read it here.

Divorce Lawyers: 5 Little Known Things You Need To Know

by Vicki L. Shemin

There is an inescapable fact: the relationship between a divorce attorney and a client is, at best, a business relationship. For too many in the legal profession, that is where it starts and ends. What does that mean for YOU as the client when you are going through one of the most difficult experiences you will ever have to face?

It should invoke a caveat emptor warning because once you sign on; you could be making a deal with the devil (and I don’t just mean your ex-spouse).

Below are 5 tips to help you deal with your divorce lawyer at this incredibly confusing time:

1. Interview, Interview, Interview! I recommend interviewing at least two to three prospective divorce attorneys (I know that it takes a lot of time and energy to do so!). As in any other relationship, chemistry is key. Trust your gut. Does this person seem as though s/he is going to serve your best interests, return your calls in a timely manner, aim to be cost-effective, and make all best efforts to fairly and equitably settle your case? Many lawyers will provide the courtesy of a complimentary half-hour as part of the interview process. It’s free to ask!

2. Got Conflicts? Ask your attorney how well, s/he researches conflicts of interest. It would be terrible to delve deeply into your case only to have your lawyer tell you, s/he can’t represent you after all because a conflict (not previously well-researched) exists. A conflict of interest arises when the attorney or the firm is involved in multiple interests (financial, personal, etc.), any one of which could possibly interfere with the professional’s or organization’s integrity, or even have the appearance of doing so. This may be the case if your spouse came for a brief consult before you did, or if a business with which you, your spouse, or even a member of your spouse’s family may be involved are – or were – clients of the firm.

3. Bait and Switch. When interviewing, ask the lawyer who will actually be the one managing your case on a day-to-day basis. If you sign on with the senior partner, will that lawyer be the one handling everything on your behalf? You may be surprised to learn that more junior staff will be just as knowledgeable, much more accessible, and definitely more affordable. That said, if you find that your case is going to court, you may want the senior partner to be the one going to the mat for you. Ask to meet with the entire potential team before you sign on the dotted line. By the way, also ask if there is “double-billing” if each, the senior lawyer and associate, happen to sit in on the same meeting.

4. Billing Tricks Of The Trade. Ask your lawyer if the firm charges by the ¼ hour or 1/10 of an hour; if driving time is billed; if a retainer is required; whether there are cancellation fees; and if they charge for faxing/photocopying and the like. This will be (or should be) spelled out in your client engagement letter. For example, you can imagine that a two minute call can be billed as either a tenth of an hour or, at a minimum, a quarter of an hour depending on the contract that you have signed. One-quarter of an hour minimum billing units can add up very quickly!

5. Playing Well Together In the Sandbox. Ask if the attorney you are considering hiring knows your spouse’s counsel. It is a well-known fact that attorneys who have a proven history of “playing well together in the sandbox” will likely have a better shot at reaching a mutual accord. For instance, attorneys who are like-minded collaborative attorneys (versus litigation attorneys) may be more likely to go to the same professional meetings, to have served on Boards together, to read each other’s scholarly articles, and to have a proven track record of success in other cases. As we often say around my firm when we have an attorney who does not seem interested in advancing the client’s best interests, quoting Abraham Maslow, “I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.” Look for caring and skilled lawyers who have a specialized toolbox filled with everything they would need to build a protective haven to serve you well and to get you through this challenging time.

Article originally published in DivorcedMoms.com and republished in Mediate.com

Jon Fields Offers Expert Advice in “Hidden Costs of Divorce” Interview

How do you know if mediation or litigation is right for you? What are some of the ways the needs of affluent families affect the cost and planning process of divorce? What is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst?

Jon Fields joins Kelli Adams, Financial Counselor, CFP®, EA to answer some of these questions in GW & Wade’s “ask the experts” interview, focusing on the hidden costs of divorce.

“If your balance sheet contains more than a few basic assets—your bank accounts, your home, your car—the cost of your divorce will probably be affected. Stock options, restricted stock, trusts, executive compensation packages, business interests: assets like these require more nuanced negotiations. You’ll want to make sure your lawyer has experience dealing in complex financial instruments.” -Jon Fields

Please click on the link to read the full interview.

Trusts Aren’t Marital Property, Says Massachusetts Supreme Court

The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court in Curt Pfannenstiehl v. Diane Pfannenstiehl recently came to an important decision regarding how Massachusetts treats spendthrift trusts in divorce. By doing so, the court overthrew the controversial decisions of the lower courts, which would have radically adjusted the way trusts are viewed in Massachusetts. The function of these trusts is to protect beneficiaries from outside creditors and overspending, so it may be a relief to many that the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court has chosen to interpret the trust as the settlor intended it, rather than, as the lower courts did, viewing it as “property” that can be divided as a marital asset in divorce.

The case concerned a husband and wife who had an arrangement during the marriage to fund their daily living expenses from the husband’s trust. The husband’s income wasn’t sufficient to cover these expenses, and the wife had given up her career in order to look after the couple’s children. The couple used the trust to fund their lives year to year.

The Appeals Court relied upon the trusts “ascertainable standard” to determine that the trustees were “required” to make distributions to the husband Curt Pfannenstiehl. The reasoning behind this was that the trust was to provide for the welfare of the beneficiaries, and during the marriage, it was used to provide for the family’s living expenses. However the court’s interpretation seemed extreme, given that trustees generally have discretion in their distributions rather than being compelled to pay out. In addition, the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court disagreed with the lower courts’ opinion that the trust was a certain interest for Curt, instead viewing it as too speculative to be considered “property”. The Supreme Court also disagreed that Curt was entitled to a quantifiable fraction of the trust (the lower courts valued his interest as a simple 1/11th piece because it was shared with 11 other people) because of the history of how the trustees used their discretion to make unequal payments or no payments at all, and of course, the spendthrift clause, which means the trust isn’t supposed to benefit creditors or ex-spouses in the first place.

It was a good thing for Curt Pfannenstiehl that the courts ruled the way they did. When after trial, he was ordered to pay his ex-wife Diane approx. $1.4 million that he didn’t have and couldn’t earn, he was prosecuted for contempt after he couldn’t pay the judgement, and put in shackles. The Appeals Court reversed based on inability to pay, and the Supreme Court eventually decided not to treat the trust as marital property, but there was a brief moment when the protection the trust had seemed to offer Curt evaporated. Pfannenstiehl v. Pfannenstiehl shows that divorce has the potential to derail even the most painstaking plans parents have made for future generations. Thankfully, even in such a fraught situation, the courts have chosen to acknowledge that the original purpose of such a trust is to provide for future generations, and that this should be safeguarded.

Contact Us

Sheryl Dennis is an expert in matters of trusts and estates. With over 24 years of experience in family law helping families resolve complex issues, Sheryl is the right choice for people looking to navigate sensitive family law issues related to estates, inheritances. Please contact Fields and Dennis today to see how we can help.

Is Your Marriage Healthy?

Put a Ring on It? Millennial Couples Are in No Hurry

Five myths about marriage

Marriage advice from a top relationship expert

Your Best Advice for a Happy Marriage (CC: Meghan and Harry)

Say what you need

20 Signs the Spark in Your Relationship has Gone – and How to Reignite the Flame

Married Millennials Keep Separate Bank Accounts

Divorce Lawyers: 5 Little Known Things You Need To Know

Jon Fields Offers Expert Advice in “Hidden Costs of Divorce” Interview

Trusts Aren’t Marital Property, Says Massachusetts Supreme Court

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