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Divorce Lawyers: 5 Little Known Things You Need To Know

by Vicki L. Shemin

There is an inescapable fact: the relationship between a divorce attorney and a client is, at best, a business relationship. For too many in the legal profession, that is where it starts and ends. What does that mean for YOU as the client when you are going through one of the most difficult experiences you will ever have to face?

It should invoke a caveat emptor warning because once you sign on; you could be making a deal with the devil (and I don’t just mean your ex-spouse).

Below are 5 tips to help you deal with your divorce lawyer at this incredibly confusing time:

1. Interview, Interview, Interview! I recommend interviewing at least two to three prospective divorce attorneys (I know that it takes a lot of time and energy to do so!). As in any other relationship, chemistry is key. Trust your gut. Does this person seem as though s/he is going to serve your best interests, return your calls in a timely manner, aim to be cost-effective, and make all best efforts to fairly and equitably settle your case?  Many lawyers will provide the courtesy of a complimentary half-hour as part of the interview process. It’s free to ask!

2. Got Conflicts? Ask your attorney how well, s/he researches conflicts of interest. It would be terrible to delve deeply into your case only to have your lawyer tell you, s/he can’t represent you after all because a conflict (not previously well-researched) exists. A conflict of interest arises when the attorney or the firm is involved in multiple interests (financial, personal, etc.), any one of which could possibly interfere with the professional’s or organization’s integrity, or even have the appearance of doing so. This may be the case if your spouse came for a brief consult before you did, or if a business with which you, your spouse, or even a member of your spouse’s family may be involved are – or were – clients of the firm.

3. Bait and Switch. When interviewing, ask the lawyer who will actually be the one managing your case on a day-to-day basis. If you sign on with the senior partner, will that lawyer be the one handling everything on your behalf? You may be surprised to learn that more junior staff will be just as knowledgeable, much more accessible, and definitely more affordable. That said, if you find that your case is going to court, you may want the senior partner to be the one going to the mat for you. Ask to meet with the entire potential team before you sign on the dotted line. By the way, also ask if there is “double-billing” if each, the senior lawyer and associate, happen to sit in on the same meeting.

4. Billing Tricks Of The Trade. Ask your lawyer if the firm charges by the ¼ hour or 1/10 of an hour; if driving time is billed; if a retainer is required; whether there are cancellation fees; and if they charge for faxing/photocopying and the like. This will be (or should be) spelled out in your client engagement letter. For example, you can imagine that a two minute call can be billed as either a tenth of an hour or, at a minimum, a quarter of an hour depending on the contract that you have signed. One-quarter of an hour minimum billing units can add up very quickly!

5. Playing Well Together In the Sandbox. Ask if the attorney you are considering hiring knows your spouse’s counsel. It is a well-known fact that attorneys who have a proven history of “playing well together in the sandbox” will likely have a better shot at reaching a mutual accord. For instance, attorneys who are like-minded collaborative attorneys (versus litigation attorneys) may be more likely to go to the same professional meetings, to have served on Boards together, to read each other’s scholarly articles, and to have a proven track record of success in other cases. As we often say around my firm when we have an attorney who does not seem interested in advancing the client’s best interests, quoting Abraham Maslow, “I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.”  Look for caring and skilled lawyers who have a specialized toolbox filled with everything they would need to build a protective haven to serve you well and to get you through this challenging time.

Article originally published in DivorcedMoms.com and republished in Mediate.com

To Litigate, or Not to Litigate, That is the Question

If you are going through a divorce, there are many things to consider. It is a difficult time, emotions are high, and you are confronted with a number of decisions that you may not be in the best state of mind to make. Now, no two divorces will be identical, so while having a support system who has “been there” can certainly be helpful, their situation may be extremely different then yours.

There are a variety of factors that can contribute to a divorce, and depending on how the decision was come upon, you and your ex may be on civil terms, but other times, if the relationship ended badly, communication and compromise may be impossible concepts to wrap your mind around. Because each divorce is different, each course of action is also different. While some couples have relatively simple cases without much contention between spouses, other couples may have more complex divorces that require careful and strategic planning. Read more.

Bitcoins and Divorce: Declaring your Digital Currency

Bitcoin has become a buzzword recently, more well-known to some than others, but unless you live under a rock that does not get WiFi, you have surely at the very least heard the term tossed around. For those less informed on the emerging value system, Bitcoin is a digital currency used as a peer-to-peer payment system. Developed in 2009, bitcoins can be exchanged for goods, services and other currencies. While bitcoins have been under fire for their use in illegal activities (e.g. the recently exposed online black market Silk Road), they have legitimate uses as well, making the debate over this new cryptocurrency a hot-button topic. Read more.

Learn more about Bitcoin, Cryptocurrency and Divorce:
“Bitcoin Bitterness Starts to Make Messy Divorces Even Worse,” Hannah George, Bloomberg News (2018) (Jonathan Fields quoted) 
Cryptocurrency and Divorce: A Primer
IRS Notice 2014-21: Virtual Currency Guidance

5 Tips for Getting Through the Holiday Season When Going Through Divorce

Thinking about the holiday season can be a daunting experience when going through a divorce. While it is only October, we understand the apprehension of facing the upcoming season of cheer when you are feeling anything but cheerful.  Divorce is an extremely personal and emotional experience, and there is no right or wrong way to feel – but you are not alone, and the holidays, while different, do not have to be a dreaded occurrence.

Here are some tips for finding enjoyment from the holidays, or at the very least getting through them. Read More.

Wife’s Misconduct Results in a Disproportionate Asset Split or Conduct Counts if it’s Really, Really Bad

Conventional wisdom has it that bad conduct doesn’t really matter in an equitable division case except to the extent that it has a financial impact.  Tell that to Donna Wolcott.

One night in 2006, while Mr. Wolcott was ill and in a “weakened state,” Mrs. Wolcott plied her usually-abstinent husband with alcohol, causing him to fall off a boat. Mr. Wolcott had to swim a mile to shore and walk for several hours before he got help.  The fall caused him severe injuries – a broken nose, upper jaw and wrist, four broken teeth, and a “blown-out knee.” Then, when he returned home, Mrs. Wolcott forced her injured husband to sleep on the couch because his “breathing” bothered her.  Shortly afterwards, while he was still recovering, Mrs. Wolcott asked him to move out of the house.

Mrs. Wolcott’s next action suggests that, even though her husband was now out of the house, she was still bothered by his breathing.  In fact, she proceeded to solicit his murder, telling a cousin she wanted Mr. Wolcott to “disappear” and asking him if he knew anyone in the Mafia.  Luckily for Mr. Wolcott, the cousin demurred.  The husband was spared the bullet.

Mrs. Wolcott’s lesser offenses – an adulterous “sexual affair,” a “foolhardy landscaping plan,” and $24,000 worth of unnecessary plastic surgery.

Not surprisingly, the judge wasn’t enamored with the sociopathic Mrs. Wolcott and awarded her only 10% of the marital estate.  She appealed and the Appeals Court affirmed the decision.  Wolcott v. Wolcott, 2011 Mass.App LEXIS 16 (January 6, 2011).

Gotta Getta Get? Sign a Prenuptial or Postnuptial Agreement First.

Under Jewish law, to remarry in an Orthodox or Conservative synagogue, you need a Jewish divorce – a “get.”  The problem is that, with narrow exceptions, the man’s permission is required.  So, even when a woman is legally divorced in the eyes of the state, she cannot remarry in her faith when the ex-husband refuses a get.  She is, under Jewish law, an “agunah” — a “chained woman.”

According to the New York Times article Religious Divorce Dispute Leads to Secular Protest, Aharon Friedman, a 34-year-old tax counsel for the Republicans on the House Ways and Means Committee refuses to give a get to his ex-wife Tamar Epstein.  The two were civilly divorced by a Maryland court in April and the husband has been upset with the court-ordered parenting schedule. Ms. Epstein claims that he is withholding consent in order to renegotiate the schedule.

Mr. Friedman’s obstinacy has sparked angry protests outside his home that have been spearheaded by the Organization for the Resolution of Agunot (ORA) — an agunah advocacy group. He’s also been condemned by the local Jewish press. A recent editorial in a D.C.-area Jewish paper, headlined “Unchain this Woman,” implored Friedman to be a “mensch” and give his ex-wife the divorce.

Ms. Epstein’s problem may have been preventable, however.  An observant Jewish couple should sign a prenuptial agreement requiring the husband to provide a get in the event of a civil divorce.  An observant married couple might consider a postnuptial agreement, now explicitly permitted in Massachusetts provided certain requirements are met.  In either event, each spouse or prospective spouse needs to retain separate lawyers before signing any such agreement.  This is not a do-it-yourself project.

Although canned agreements are available online, most would not be enforceable in Massachusetts.

E-mail Privacy and the Price of Curiosity

Divorcing couples tempted to break into their spouse’s e-mail may wish to reconsider.  A Michigan man going through a divorce used his wife’s password to access her e-mail account through a home computer they shared.  He then attempted to use some of those e-mails in the divorce proceeding.  The local D.A. pressed charges under a state privacy statute and, if convicted, the man could face five years in prison. Certainly, one lesson here is that curious spouses should not hack into their spouse’s email.  The other lesson: divorcing couples should change passwords and, if possible, limit use of a shared computer.  Check out the story at http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40820892/ns/technology_and_science-security/

Marriage: What's it Good For?

In an earlier post, I noted a recent poll that reflects changing American attitudes toward marriage and, in particular, reflects a marked increase in cohabitation.  The other day I happened upon a Time magazine piece, “Marriage: What’s it Good For?”, which further detailed the poll.  And since the ability to synthesize those results with a thoughtful analysis eludes me right now, I’ll just lay out the other findings that interested me (in no particular order):

As I noted in the previous post, cohabitation is sharply on the rise. I hadn’t realized, however, that from 2009 to 2010, pollsters found a 13 % increase in couples living together outside of marriage.

Because cohabitation is increasingly viewed as a viable option, I suppose that it shouldn’t surprise us that Americans keep waiting longer and longer to get married.  The median age for men and women getting married for the first time is 28 and 26 respectively.  These numbers, the poll tells us, have increased about a year for each decade since the 1960’s.

Just to situate the American trend toward cohabitation in a larger perspective, it is worth noting that, according to the poll, Americans have a rate of marriage (and remarriage) that is among the highest in the Western world.

Correspondingly, although the American divorce rate has declined substantially since 1978, it is still among the highest in the Western world.

The poll underscored the socioeconomic predictors of both marriage and divorce in some interesting ways.

It noted a strong correlation between a person’s wealth and education and the likelihood of marriage.  Put simply, in the United States, the richer and more educated you are, the more likely you are to marry.

Interestingly, the poll evidenced the same correlation to the likelihood of divorce. The richer and more educated you are, the more likely you are to divorce.  This is presumably why Massachusetts, a state with an educated and affluent population, consistently has the lowest divorce rate in the United States.

Most Americans, according to the poll, believe that the “best kind of marriage” is one in which both spouses work outside the home.  Not surprisingly, this belief reflects the reality that, in an increasing number of marriages, both spouses do work outside the home.  Of course, this figure has increased steadily over the last several decades.

Finally, the poll confirms what most divorce researchers have known for some time.  Women initiate American divorce proceedings about 66% of the time.  This rate, I believe, has been constant for several decades.

The most unusual finding:

The proportion of American marriages in which the woman was taller than the man increased by 10%.

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2031962,00.html

Marriage: What’s it Good For?

Marriage: What’s it Good For?

In an earlier post, I noted a recent poll that reflects changing American attitudes toward marriage and, in particular, reflects a marked increase in cohabitation.  The other day I happened upon a Time magazine piece, “Marriage: What’s it Good For?”, which further detailed the poll.  And since the ability to synthesize those results with a thoughtful analysis eludes me right now, I’ll just lay out the other findings that interested me (in no particular order):

As I noted in the previous post, cohabitation is sharply on the rise. I hadn’t realized, however, that from 2009 to 2010, pollsters found a 13 % increase in couples living together outside of marriage.

Because cohabitation is increasingly viewed as a viable option, I suppose that it shouldn’t surprise us that Americans keep waiting longer and longer to get married.  The median age for men and women getting married for the first time is 28 and 26 respectively.  These numbers, the poll tells us, have increased about a year for each decade since the 1960’s.

Just to situate the American trend toward cohabitation in a larger perspective, it is worth noting that, according to the poll, Americans have a rate of marriage (and remarriage) that is among the highest in the Western world.

Correspondingly, although the American divorce rate has declined substantially since 1978, it is still among the highest in the Western world.

The poll underscored the socioeconomic predictors of both marriage and divorce in some interesting ways.

It noted a strong correlation between a person’s wealth and education and the likelihood of marriage.  Put simply, in the United States, the richer and more educated you are, the more likely you are to marry.

Interestingly, the poll evidenced the same correlation to the likelihood of divorce. The richer and more educated you are, the more likely you are to divorce.  This is presumably why Massachusetts, a state with an educated and affluent population, consistently has the lowest divorce rate in the United States.

Most Americans, according to the poll, believe that the “best kind of marriage” is one in which both spouses work outside the home.  Not surprisingly, this belief reflects the reality that, in an increasing number of marriages, both spouses do work outside the home.  Of course, this figure has increased steadily over the last several decades.

Finally, the poll confirms what most divorce researchers have known for some time.  Women initiate American divorce proceedings about 66% of the time.  This rate, I believe, has been constant for several decades.

The most unusual finding:

The proportion of American marriages in which the woman was taller than the man increased by 10%.

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