The big “D” can now be predicted…in premarital counseling. Premarital counseling often occurs because the couple has to do it, or they want tips and advice for a healthy relationship. Either way, learning how a couple behaves can be a major indicator for divorce. The indicator everyone seems to know is Gottman’s 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse, which signals divorce. The horsemen are: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Dr. Gottman is known for predicting divorce with a 94 percent accuracy rate. But there are other reasons for predicting divorce, and Dr. Becky Whetstone discusses them in her recent HuffPost article.
One not shocking reason is dominance over the other person or discrepancy. For example, your female neighbor may be hot, but her husband…not so much. Or your cousin may be filthy rich, but her fiancé…not so much. These differences drive wedges between couples that are too big to conquer most times. They can be anything from beauty and money to age and religion. If two things aren’t somewhat the same or don’t hold the same core values, most likely it’s doomed to fail.
While we as a society may hold onto the nostalgic memories of The Brady Bunch, the blending of families is more likely to suffer a Kardashian-Jenner fate. Basically, Whetstone does not recommend blending. Why? Kids have to adapt to their new lifestyle post divorce, and their acceptance of Mom’s new boyfriend may not be wonderful. Then Mom marries him, and the acceptance of Stepdad may be less wonderful. Basically, it’s a lot of adjustment for a kid and many don’t handle it well.
When the aforementioned factors come into play in premarital counseling, the marriage is probably doomed. Whetstone raises a valid and often overlooked point. She says: “I believe that choosing to marry the wrong partner is the primary reason for the high rate of divorce in the United States. No one can blame the American public for not knowing how to do it; while we are taught in school about the solar system, world history and how to give a speech, never is healthy family dynamics and communication discussed.” It makes sense and you can probably attribute this factor to the unhappy couples you know. She also states that a mere 8 to 17 percent of married couples can be described as happy. Yikes.
At Fields and Dennis LLP, we are happy to help you with divorce proceedings. We understand that you want the best for your family and for yourself. Please contact us today if you are looking for a trusted and experienced Wellesley divorce lawyer.
Based on this Huffpost article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/becky-whetstone-phd/prevent-your-future-divor_b_7197364.html
